Author: Lauren Farina-Prieto, LCSW, CIMPH
Part I of the “Why Talk Therapy” series explored the power of storytelling in the context of a trusting, empathic therapeutic relationship. Read on to learn more about what you can expect from a skilled clinician in the setting of the talk therapy container.
Talk Therapy as Means of Setting Intentions and Building Accountability
Many of us live rushed, hurried lifestyles with too many demands and responsibilities. It’s so easy to put ourselves at the bottom of our to-do list, and cumulative effect of denying our own needs is mental and physical illness. Beyond the healing effects of social support, empathy and meaningful storytelling, talk therapy is inherently valuable because it involves the act of carving time out each week to care for the self. The very act of prioritizing ourself for an hour each week creates a new reality in which we matter, too, and that self-care is a priority.
The simple act of fulfilling a weekly appointment can also help build accountability. Goal setting is a critical part of the intake, treatment planning and therapeutic processes. The moment a client verbalizes their goals to their therapist, whether they include improving self-esteem, coping with grief or reducing anxiety, they enter into an unspoken contract with themselves. Often, like magic, the verbalization of those goals inspires a new level of self awareness and many times, automatic shifts in thoughts and behaviors soon follow.
Personal Responsibility and the Power of Habit
A good therapist will help their client identify patterns in thought, feeling and behavior, patterns which may or may not be serving the client, and then help the client to modify or “tweak” those patterns to advance them towards their goals. For example, many of our clients at Invited struggle with perfectionistic tendencies. This pattern can really help propel a person forward in their career, but it is less useful when it’s time to be present with their family, or lay their head down at night to go to sleep. Often, the pattern of perfectionistic expectations fuels anxiety and self doubt, in which case, those expectations are no longer useful to the client. We never seek to “take away” our clients’ perfectionism, only modify it in a way that ensures that it works for them, and never against them. Perfectionism, as a result, becomes a finely-honed tool which clients can pick up when they need it (ex. when operating on a patient, or editing a grant proposal), and put down when they don’t need it anymore. In all cases, talk therapy can help an individual identify and explore which patterns and habits serve them, and in what context, and which patterns do not.
At Invited, we recognize the tremendous level of power, and therefore, responsibility that our clients wield in their lives. We believe that our clients are the biggest agents of change in the therapeutic process. Life events can certainly shape our mental health and well being, but we are not, by any means, helpless against them. Consider the study by psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of The How of Happiness, which found that only ten percent of our mood is determined by our circumstances. Ten percent! This suggests that when bad things happen, we can anticipate a temporary dip in our mood before returning to our baseline. So, if circumstances don’t shape our mood like we once thought they did, what does matter when it comes to our happiness?
Lyubomirsky’s study found that fifty percent of our mood variance is determined by our biology. Good news for some, and perhaps less so for others. This category could involve genetics or epigenetics (the influence of environment on genetic expression). While some might argue that genetic expression is fixed, the study of epigenetics has found that lifestyle, including nutrition, movement, and time in nature, can influence the expression of our genes. This is very good news, and a well-informed provider can help support such lifestyle changes. As a Certified Integrative Mental Health Provider, I have often encouraged clients to consider dietary modifications, nutritional supplementation, and movement as means of supporting sound mental health. Our practice supports a holistic approach to help our clients feel well from the top down (mind-body) and from the bottom up (body-mind).
Perhaps the most compelling finding of Lyubomirsky’s study is that forty percent of our mood is shaped by our habits and practices. This means that it’s not so much what happens to us, but how we respond to such life events that matters most when it comes to our mental health. I often ask my clients, what would you do if you knew it would make you forty percent happier? For many clients, these habit changes include self-care practices, such as breathwork, meditation, exercise, time with family, etc. Talk therapy provides the forum to explore such opportunities for change, and therefore, develop coping skills to manage life’s stressors with the guidance of an expert.
Harnessing the Transformative Power of Thoughts
For some, integrative lifestyle changes can have a life-changing impact on their mental health. For others, the most powerful shift is in one’s mindset, or thoughts. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which will be discussed in depth in a later post, is a 60 - year old evidence-based therapy which teaches that our thoughts create our emotions, and our emotions shape our behavior. As Lyubomirsky’s study shows, how we respond to our life’s events, including how we think about and interpret them, has a great impact on our mental health. Therefore, one key to managing overwhelming emotions and self-defeating habits is by gaining awareness of our thought patterns, or cognitive style. This refers to our tendency to interpret the world around us with certain biases. For instance, many of us are vulnerable to confirmation bias, or our subconscious tendency to seek out evidence which supports what we already believe to be true (Here’s a fun game: for evidence of your own confirmation bias, check your news subscriptions and social media feed).
The reason we often default to confirmation bias is because it helps us to feel safe and secure in the certainty of our beliefs. However, if we hold the core belief, “I am not good enough,” for example, our confirmation bias would in fact work against us by ignoring all evidence to the contrary. We literally seek out evidence to reinforce such self-defeating beliefs, however damaging they may be. This is where talk therapy can be useful: in examining our cognitive biases and exploring the real-world evidence in an effort to think more realistically, thereby shifting how we feel, and ultimately, the choices we make.
(Author’s note: It’s important to note that CBT is not the only effective therapy to support mental health. A clinician’s background and theoretical orientation will shape their approach and means of supporting clients. Stay tuned for our future series on Alphabet Soup: How to Choose a Therapist).
Final Thoughts
In summary, talk therapy is a powerful healing modality which harnesses the power of storytelling, supports clients in goal setting and accountability, and helps to identify patterns which may or may not be serving the client. It is our humble opinion that most people could benefit from time in therapy, which can also give meaning to life’s experiences and our feelings about them. While many of us were socialized to believe that emotions are frivolous, irrational, and inconvenient, research has found that all feelings are adaptive, seeking to fulfill a need or shed light on an unresolved trauma or stressor. While repressed emotion can cause disease (dis-ease) in the mind and body, expressed emotion holds the promise of healing. At Invited, we help to give voice to the wisdom of emotions so that you can decipher their messages. Our philosophy is that most problems or crises arise as an opportunity, or invitation, for you to personally evolve, but only if that opportunity is harnessed.
“The wound is where the light enters you.” - Rumi
Lauren Farina-Prieto, LCSW, is a License Clinical Social Worker in the State of Illinois, and Founder of Invited Psychotherapy and Coaching, a private practice outside of Chicago, specializing in helping high performing professionals embody their highest potential.
References
Lyubomirsky, S. (2010). The how of happiness. Piatkus Books.
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